Head Sploding Cinema: VAMP (1986)

Ok fellow fucked-up-film fans, I’m so sorry that I’ve left you hanging for so long. Sometimes things happen to make you busy and sometimes those things involve taking a sextastic and dark feminist theatre piece from New York City to Scotland. I haven’t been able to do head Sploding Cinema because for 8 months, my head was exploding on regular basis due to life!

But now we’re back! To get back into the swing of things, I’m doing a string of bite-sized bite-movies. Slightly shorter posts on dedicated to ridiculous vampire movies! And hopefully I’ll be able to get back to full-sized posts in time for another round of Christmas Horror Movies!

So, to start things off, I’m coming back hard with:

VAMP

AKA: Vampire Strippers in Silly Outfits

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Gunpowder Sausage: Pranks

Ol’ Gunpowder is back and has a very important message.

The Vulgar Tongue

AMUSERS. Rogues who carried snuff or dust in their pockets, which they threw into the eyes of any person they intended to rob; and running away, their accomplices (pretending to assist and pity the half-blind person) took that opportunity of plundering him.

Amusing indeed! One rogue could do the job just dandy (1. Throw dirt in eyes 2. Plunder while they scream in pain and confusion 3. Run away with booty), but instead they choose to kill a bird with two stones. I suppose giving the victim a false sense of security before robbing them of their possessions is what’s most amusing of all.

The Vulgar Tongue

THUMMIKINS: “An instrument formerly used in Scotland, like a vice, to pinch the thumbs of persons accused of different crimes in order to extort confessions.”

I must confess, this is the most adorable name for a torture device I have ever heard! Thummikins! He was Thumbelina’s crazy hillbilly uncle, right?

Head Sploding Cinema: American Psycho 2

Good evening everyone. After last week’s 80’s-tastic flick, I was tempted to continue the theme for the rest of the month. However, since April is turning out to be a grab bag of sorts, I thought I would dip my feet in the fun pool of direct-to-DVD sequels of big budget movies. Primarily with:

AMERICAN PSYCHO 2

AKA: Mila Kunis Kills People While Looking Hot

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Head Sploding Cinema: Vicious Lips

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am exhausted. But I love each and every one of you (which is basically all 5 of you who read these posts) so much that I am going to PUSH THROUGH THE SLEEPY and make our collective heads explode. And the film through which we will do it is:

VICIOUS LIPS

AKA Pleasure Planet (no really, it’s also actually known as Pleasure Planet).

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RELIGIOUS STUDIES EDITION: Head Sploding Cinema (The Rapture)

Happy Easter/Passover/SPRING everybody! The Brain Melt Blog has returned with a CROSSOVER blog between this series and Head Sploding Cinema. It’s sort of like Jesus being resurrected as proof of the promise of eternal life. Only we were gone for a little more than 3 days, so our return is potentially even MORE dramatic. I can still promise you eternal life, though, if it makes you feel better.

The crossover element is that Rachel Kerry and I are both writing this week about a movie that has been extremely close to my heart for over a decade, which I have probably watched 30 times, and which still gives me joy and little moments of discovery on every viewing.

This movie is: THE RAPTURE.

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